8 Great Responses to Use When a Relative Comments on Your Food or Body

Holiday gatherings have long been fraught with unsolicited comments about food, bodies, and weight from extended family. But this year, between Ozempic’s ever-rising popularity, the MAHA movement’s headline-making “clean eating” agenda, and social media’s constant commentary about celebrities’ bodies, it’s fair to assume that you may be facing these conversations even more frequently.

Small talk about diets or observations about someone’s apparent weight loss often aren’t malicious, but they can certainly be triggering, and they can get in the way of genuine connection. It’s hard to open up to someone when you’re worried about them commenting on the size of your body or the amount of food on your plate.

As an eating disorder dietitian, I know a thing or two about how to shut down food and body shaming, however casual or unintentional it may be. I spend a lot of time during the last few months of the year role-playing these tricky situations and helping my clients feel more prepared to handle them.

If you’re already anxious about navigating unwelcome remarks about what you eat or how you look over the holidays, you’re certainly not alone. I asked therapists and a few other dietitians to share some great go-to responses for common comments you may face throughout the festivities.

1. “I’m working really hard to focus less on my body right now. Let’s talk about something else.”

If you cross paths with someone you haven’t seen in a long time, they might comment on your body in a way that they think is complimentary. Think: “You look great! Have you lost weight?” or “Wow, you look so tiny in that dress!” If you practice body neutrality and don’t subscribe to the idea that thin is best (it isn’t), these interactions can be extremely uncomfortable. You might also struggle with how to react since the person you’re talking to probably has no idea that what they said was anything but positive.

“You can appreciate someone’s intent in offering what they believe to be a positive comment while gracefully offering a correction and redirection,” Amber Stevens, PsyD, licensed psychologist and clinical director of Galia Collaborative in Cincinnati, tells SELF.

The best response in this case, Dr. Stevens says, is one that acknowledges the comment’s intent but shuts down further conversation.

She suggests trying something like: “I think you meant that as a compliment, but this is a sensitive topic for me that I’d prefer not to discuss. What have you been up to lately?” Or maybe: “I’m working really hard to focus less on my body right now. Let’s talk about something else.”

2. “All bodies change over time for a variety of reasons, so it makes sense that their body may look different.”

Even if your body isn’t a conversation topic at this year’s holiday gathering, someone might try talking to you about how someone else’s has changed. And while some people might consider this run-of-the-mill gossip, it’s actually incredibly harmful.

“It’s important to help normalize the fact that all bodies change without placing value on these changes as either good or bad while also reinforcing the concept that commenting on other people’s bodies is problematic,” Dr. Stevens says. “I also recommend encouraging others to focus on other attributes that are so much more meaningful than what someone’s body looks like on any given day.”

That might sound like: “Well, all bodies change over time for a variety of reasons, including yours and mine, so it makes sense that theirs may look different. Personally, though, I was so struck by their glow. Did you happen to notice the way that they seem to make other people feel comfortable with such ease?”

3. “I’m not interested in having conversations like this today! Let’s enjoy this time we have together and talk about something more interesting.”

For many of us, the holidays are a time to connect with friends and family members that we may not get to spend much time with otherwise. Putting boundaries around what you do and don’t want to talk about can be a great way to make the most of the limited time that you have with people.

“It’s okay to be firm and not engage in conversations about food and body during the holidays,” Julia Carter, LCSWA, an eating disorder and body image therapist in Raleigh, North Carolina, tells SELF. “Boundaries are not brick walls; they are invitations to see and connect with one another better.”

If putting such an immediate stop to these conversations feels uncomfortable, try redirecting the conversation to something you already know you have in common with the other person, like a shared hobby or favorite sports team.

4. “I agree that it’s all delicious! I’m full for now though.”

A friend, family member, or coworker who diets regularly might feel totally out of control at a holiday dinner or party, where food (often the kind dieters try to avoid) is plentiful.

Because of that, they may have trouble understanding how someone who’s more at peace with eating can be so calm when surrounded by so much delicious stuff. This might result in comments like, “How are you able to leave pie on your plate!?” or, “I can’t believe you didn’t go back for seconds!”

“Depending on your relationship with the person, you can choose from a variety of responses,” Kate Regan, RD, dietitian and owner of Wholesome Chick Nutrition in Philadelphia, tells SELF.

If you aren’t very close to them, Regan says, you can try something like: “I agree that it’s all delicious! I’m full for now though. How are you spending the rest of your holiday break?” to change the topic. If you feel cornered and they won’t let it go, say, “I need to use the restroom” and walk away. (FYI, this is a good tactic in any of these situations if you’re too uncomfortable to continue engaging.)

If it’s someone you are close with, however, Regan suggests considering a more in-depth answer such as: “I’ve been working on listening to my body and right now it’s telling me that I’ve had enough. I’ve enjoyed every bite and will come back for more whenever I’m ready. I’m no longer restricting myself so it’s much easier to stop when I’m comfortably full.”

5. “I like to fill my plate, but I also love leftovers, so I can always take the rest home with me.”

Particularly boundaryless family members might even critique how much food you’re enjoying with comments like, “Are you really going to eat all that?” When this happens, one course of action is to ignore the remark and move on. Or you can push back.

“Every person’s relationship with food, personality, and level of comfort with the people involved is different,” Katy Gaston, RD, a dietitian based in San Francisco, tells SELF. A lighter response to this comment might be: “I’m not sure yet! Excuse me while I go get some water.” A response that’s both practical and educational, according to Gaston, is something along the lines of: “I like to fill my plate, but I also love leftovers, so I can always take the rest home with me.”

“Since this is such a snarky comment to begin with, I also have to offer a sassy option for good measure,” Gaston adds. Her suggestion: “Maybe I will, maybe I won’t, I guess we’ll have to see won’t we?” “In any case,” she adds, “know that you are not obligated to justify how much or what you eat to anyone!”

6. “Sure, I’d love to go for a hike tomorrow. But I don’t like thinking about exercise as a way to ‘burn off’ what I ate.”

Planning some physical activity the day after a holiday can be a fun way to spend more time with friends and family. And, sure, moving your body the day after a big meal has benefits, like aiding digestion and helping with blood sugar regulation. But too often, it’s framed as a way to “burn off” or “make up for” holiday eating.

If someone suggests an activity as a way of compensating for the food that’s being eaten at a gathering, use the opportunity to gently remind them that exercise doesn’t need to feel like atonement. You’re totally within your rights to decline the invitation altogether, but if it sounds like fun, you can say something like, “Sure, I’d love to go for a hike tomorrow. But I don’t like thinking about exercise as a way to ‘burn off’ what I ate.” Or “I’ve learned that exercise is a lot more exciting for me if I don’t think about it as a way to earn food, but a run tomorrow sounds like fun!” It’s gentle and places the focus squarely on yourself. It also answers the person’s question without starting a whole debate on calories or workouts.

7. “I’m glad to hear they’re helping you, but I don’t think GLP-1s are for me.”

Ozempic is seemingly everywhere these days, but that doesn’t mean that asking about someone else’s GLP-1 use is okay. As Debra Safer, MD, a psychiatrist and codirector of the Adult Eating and Weight Disorders Program at Stanford Medicine, previously explained to SELF: You wouldn’t ask someone with diabetes if they take insulin, so why would it be okay to ask about weight-loss medications?

If dinner conversation starts to veer into GLP-1 territory and that makes you uncomfortable, there are a number of ways you can respond. If someone asks you whether or not you’re taking the medication, “I prefer to keep my medical decisions private” is a valid response no matter what.

If someone is singing the praises of their own journey with weight-loss medications but you’re not interested in talking about it, you can take the ‘good for you, not for me,’ approach. “I’m glad to hear they’re helping you, but I don’t think GLP-1s are for me” is a good way to validate the other person’s experience while also making it clear that you’re not interested in these drugs yourself.

8. “I’m really proud of the ways I’ve worked to listen to my body and its needs.”

Someone commenting on a change in your body—whether real or perceived—can be really hurtful and can often leave you feeling dumbstruck.

“Shifting the conversation from external value to internal body cues and wisdom can be a way to invite curiosity while also offering gentle boundaries,” Carter says. She recommends responding with something like, “I’m really proud of the ways I’ve worked to listen to my body and its needs.” It sends the message that, actually, you’re feeling just fine in your skin, and that appearances often have little to do with what’s going on inside a person’s life or body. Focusing on literally anything else will make the holidays more joyful for everyone involved.

Related:

• 5 Simple Ways to Get Ahead of Holiday Stress Right Now
• Why Do I Revert Back to My Moody Teenage Self Whenever I’m Around My Family?
• Why Emotional Eating Is Totally Normal, According to a Dietitian

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